Problem: Coaches who jump in to solve problems may prevent others from learning and growing independently.

Solution: Focus on listening and asking open-ended questions, allowing others to find their own solutions and build confidence.

To coach effectively, you must tame your inner “fixer” – that part of you that wants to jump in and offer solutions right away. As a coach, your role is to guide others in building their own habits, discovering new ways of connecting, and identifying the steps they need to thrive. This requires a focus on listening and supporting, rather than directing or giving all the answers. Coaching is about empowering, not instructing.

Tool:

• Shift Your Mindset: Recognize that coaching is about empowering others, not solving their problems. Your goal is to help them find their own solutions rather than providing immediate answers.
• Practice Deep Listening: Focus fully on what the other person is saying. Avoid interrupting or thinking about your response while they’re speaking. Listen to understand, not just to reply.
• Ask Open-Ended Questions: Encourage the person to explore their own thoughts and options by asking questions that begin with "what" or "how" rather than "why." This promotes self-reflection and discovery.
• Resist the Urge to Solve: When you feel the "fixer" instinct kick in, take a deep breath and remind yourself that your role is to guide, not to instruct. Offer space for them to explore, rather than jumping in with solutions.
• Encourage Small Steps: Help them break down their goals or challenges into manageable steps. This builds confidence and ownership over the process.
• Affirm and Validate: Reinforce their strengths and abilities. Acknowledge their efforts and progress, which helps them build self-assurance and recognize their capacity to handle challenges.
• Allow Time for Silence: Don’t rush to fill pauses in the conversation. Silence often gives the person space to think more deeply and uncover insights on their own.
• Focus on Building Habits and Skills: Guide them in developing habits or skills that support long-term growth. Instead of giving direct advice, encourage actions or mindsets that will serve them beyond a single situation.
• Reflect Back, Don’t Project: Instead of giving advice, reflect what you’re hearing from them. This helps clarify their thoughts without imposing your perspective.
• Encourage Accountability: Rather than solving problems for them, help them set realistic actions and deadlines for their own progress. This fosters independence and resilience.