Problem: It's hard to figure out what you truly desire, but without clarity, it's even harder to create a meaningful long-term vision for your life.

Solution: Using the "Starbucks Exercise," you can take a focused hour to explore your desires with curiosity and compassion, helping you uncover what truly matters to you.

It’s actually quite hard to identify your desires. It’s also important for any kind of long-term visioning. You should know where you want to go and who you want to be. Clarify here will help you find organizational clarity as well. (See Visualization)

Tool

• We recommend the “Starbucks Exercise”. Go to a coffee shop or similar space, set a timer for one hour, and write. Write about only one thing, a singular question: “What do I desire”.
• Start with Curiosity: Approach your desires with genuine curiosity rather than evaluation. Instead of judging whether they’re "good enough," try to frame your thoughts as exploration. Remind yourself that every desire, no matter how small or "silly" it may seem, is a valuable piece of who you are.
• Practice Self-Compassion: If embarrassment or judgment comes up, acknowledge those feelings as a natural response. It’s normal to feel exposed when looking inward, especially if there are parts of yourself you haven’t fully accepted. Try to treat yourself with the kindness you’d extend to a close friend revealing their own desires.
• Notice Recurring Themes: Pay attention to what consistently shows up in your daydreams, interests, and moments of deep satisfaction. These can often point to desires that are meaningful, even if they seem “unimportant” on the surface. Recurring themes usually indicate core values or drives.
• Get Playful with "What Ifs": Imagine scenarios without filtering them through practicality. “What if I could…” or “What if I tried…” can help desires emerge in a playful, low-pressure way. Let yourself visualize different lives or possibilities as if you were a kid daydreaming.
• Ask Yourself "What Makes it Meaningful": For every desire you identify, ask what makes it meaningful to you. This helps dig into the heart of the desire and bypass superficial concerns. The answer might reveal values you didn’t expect, making you see how your desire aligns with what you deeply value.
• Recognize Desires as Human Needs: Rather than seeing desires as personal indulgences, remember that they reflect human needs for connection, purpose, silliness, and joy. Seeing your desires in this light can make it easier to accept them without feeling selfish or inadequate.