Welcome to FastDecisions.org
Welcome to FastDecisions.org

VIEW Conversations

Problem: Conversations can sometimes feel shallow or unproductive, making it hard to connect deeply.

Solution: Use the VIEW method (Vulnerability, Impartiality, Empathy, Wonder) to have open, meaningful talks where both people feel heard, understood, and respected.

A "VIEW conversation" is a framework developed by Art of Accomplishment to create deep, transformative dialogue that fosters personal growth and connection. VIEW stands for Vulnerability, Impartiality, Empathy, and Wonder. These qualities guide participants to communicate openly and honestly, allowing both to explore insights and experiences without judgment or agenda. A VIEW conversation supports the idea that understanding and transformation emerge naturally when each person listens actively and responds with empathy, curiosity, and openness.

Tool:

  • Setting the Intention
    • Establish the Purpose
      • Start by openly acknowledging why you both are engaging in this conversation.
      • This purpose might be as simple as “to connect more deeply” or “to understand each other better.”
      • By aligning on this purpose, you create a shared direction that gives both parties permission to be open and transparent.
      • This step clarifies the value you both see in taking the time for this kind of dialogue.
    • Create a Safe Space:
      • To invite authentic sharing, each person should feel safe to be themselves. This requires a clear mutual agreement that this space is free of judgment, and whatever is shared will be met with respect.
      • You can explicitly say, “Whatever you want to share is welcome.”
      • Remind each other that emotions, vulnerabilities, and even uncomfortable truths are part of the process and will be received with empathy and understanding.
  • Understanding the Components of VIEW
    • Vulnerability
      • Be Open About Thoughts, Feelings, and Fears
        • Vulnerability is about being real. Share your genuine feelings, even those that might feel uncomfortable or make you feel exposed.
          • For example, if you’re nervous about the conversation, you could say, “I feel a bit nervous about sharing this, but I think it’s important.”
          • This transparency not only helps you connect to your own experience but also sets a tone of openness that encourages the other person to do the same.
      • Acknowledge Fear of Judgment
        • Address any reservations you have about being judged, which can help release some of that tension.
        • You might say, “I’m worried this might come off wrong, but…” or “I don’t want this to sound too vulnerable, but…”
        • Acknowledging this fear often lowers the guard between both parties, inviting a more genuine exchange.
      • Lead by Example:
        • When you take the first step in sharing something honest and vulnerable, it often encourages the other person to reciprocate.
        • Start by sharing a personal story or thought that might show your own vulnerabilities, such as discussing an experience where you felt insecure or challenged.
        • This can establish a sense of mutual trust that allows for deeper exploration.
    • Impartiality
      • Avoid Trying to Convince or Solve
        • Resist the urge to jump into “fixing mode.” Instead, focus on understanding the other person’s perspective as it is, without needing to change or “correct” it.
        • For instance, instead of offering advice right away, you could simply acknowledge, “I hear you. That sounds tough.” This keeps the space open for them to share without feeling judged or “handled.”
      • Listen Without Forming Judgments
        • Practice listening without attaching labels, opinions, or assumptions about the other person or their situation.
        • If you feel yourself forming a judgment, try letting it go and returning to a place of openness. Remind yourself that impartiality doesn’t mean you agree or disagree; it simply means you’re fully present to their experience as they share it.
      • Notice and Release Opinions
        • If you find yourself forming an opinion or a reaction, try to pause and let it go. You might acknowledge it mentally, then refocus on listening.
        • This practice helps you stay connected to the other person’s words and experience rather than your own internal dialogue, which can lead to more authentic understanding and empathy.
    • Empathy
      • Use Reflective Listening
        • Reflect back what the other person has shared to show you’re fully hearing them.
        • For example, you might say, “It sounds like you’re feeling really overwhelmed by that.”
          • Reflective listening demonstrates your presence and understanding, and it allows the speaker to clarify or expand if needed.
      • Relate, but Don’t Overshadow
        • While it’s natural to draw connections to your own experiences, keep the focus on the other person.
        • If they share a story about feeling alone, you might say, “I can relate to that feeling of loneliness; it’s tough.” But avoid making the conversation about your experience. Keep the emphasis on their perspective while acknowledging shared emotions.
      • Ask Clarifying Questions
        • Show genuine interest by asking questions that deepen your understanding, like “What was that like for you?” or “Can you tell me more about that?”
        • These questions should be open-ended and aimed at understanding, not at guiding the conversation in a specific direction. The goal is to help the other person feel seen, heard, and valued.
    • Wonder
      • Embrace a Mindset of Curiosity
        • Wonder encourages you to view the conversation as an opportunity to learn something new.
        • Stay curious, as if you’re discovering a story you’ve never heard before.
        • If they share a viewpoint that’s different from yours, approach it with curiosity rather than skepticism, asking yourself, “What can I learn from this person’s experience?”
      • Ask Open-Ended Questions
        • Wonder allows you to explore, so ask questions that invite deeper insights.
        • Instead of “Why did you do that?” which could feel judgmental, try “What led you to that decision?” or “How do you feel about that now?”
        • This way, you’re inviting the other person to reflect openly without feeling cornered or defensive.
        • Questions that start with “What” and “How” are much stronger questions than those that start with “Why”, which can make people feel defensive.
      • Allow for Organic Flow
        • Wonder also involves letting go of expectations for the conversation.
        • Let the dialogue unfold naturally, without forcing a specific direction or outcome.
        • This openness creates a space where unexpected insights or new perspectives can emerge, leading to richer and more meaningful interactions.
  • Beginning the Conversation
    • Start with a Personal Check-In:
      • Begin by sharing how you’re feeling or what’s on your mind to set an open, authentic tone.
        • This might be as simple as, “I’ve had a busy day, but I’m glad to be here with you,” or “I’m excited to have this time together.” By being honest and setting an example of openness, you make it easier for the other person to share their own state of mind.
    • Invite Sharing
      • Prompt the other person to share what’s on their mind.
        • For instance, “Is there anything you want to talk about or anything that’s been on your mind?”
        • Inviting them in this way helps them feel that their thoughts and experiences are equally important in the conversation.
    • Set the Intention for VIEW
      • To make the principles of VIEW an intentional part of the dialogue, you might say, “Let’s both try to be vulnerable and keep an open mind here.”
      • By establishing this intention together, you create a shared foundation that promotes honesty, connection, and understanding.
  • Navigating Difficult Moments
    • Lean into Vulnerability
      • When the conversation touches on sensitive topics, stay open rather than retreating.
      • Vulnerability requires bravery, especially when emotions are high.
        • If you feel like avoiding a topic, you might say, “I’m finding it hard to talk about this, but I want to try.”
        • This demonstrates commitment to the VIEW approach and can lead to meaningful growth.
    • Pause When Triggered
      • If you feel defensive or triggered, take a deep breath and acknowledge that feeling.
      • Remember impartiality and try to set aside any reactive judgments.
        • For example, you might say, “I feel defensive hearing that, but I want to understand.”
        • This transparency can help defuse tension and bring you back to a place of openness.
    • Encourage Honesty About Emotions
      • If either of you feels uncomfortable, acknowledge it openly.
      • This could be as simple as saying, “This feels a bit intense for me; I just wanted to share that.”
      • This honesty often relieves the pressure and can lead to a greater sense of trust and connection.
  • Creating Flow
    • Allow for Silence:
      • Silence can be powerful. Instead of rushing to fill pauses, let them breathe.
      • Often, these moments create space for deeper thoughts or emotions to surface, allowing each person to process and gather their thoughts.
    • Let the Conversation Meander
      • Allow the dialogue to flow freely. If a new topic arises naturally, embrace it rather than trying to steer things back on course.
      • This flexibility can lead to unexpected insights and a more meaningful exchange.
    • Be Flexible with Time
      • Don’t rush the conversation to a conclusion.
      • Let each person explore their thoughts fully. This reinforces that the conversation is about connection, not efficiency, and can create a richer experience for both.
  • Closing the Conversation
    • Reflect on Key Points
      • Summarize what stood out to you, such as specific insights or moments that resonated.
        • You might say, “One thing that really stayed with me was when you said…” This reflection demonstrates that you were fully present and reinforces the impact of the conversation.
    • Express Gratitude
      • Acknowledge and thank each other for the vulnerability and openness shared.
      • This simple gesture can reinforce the value of the experience and leave both parties feeling seen and appreciated.
    • Offer Space for Additional Thoughts
      • Ask if there’s anything else they’d like to add, ensuring they feel complete and unhurried. This also allows them to clarify any lingering thoughts or emotions.